sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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