you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
