WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
