just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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