Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
