Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
