I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
