it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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