Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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