how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize