theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
