If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
