OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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