Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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