why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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