It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
