Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
