u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
