Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
