Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
