I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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