North Korea, Best Korea!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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