The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
