i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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