I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Randomize
