I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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