Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
