I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
