Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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