new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
