do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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