Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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