Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
