I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
