if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
