At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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