Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
