She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sarcasm needs its own font
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize