i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
