Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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