just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
