So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
