as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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