it wasn't lemon gatorade
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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