halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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