we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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