Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
