i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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