I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
