He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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