Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
