tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
