so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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