Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize