Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
