Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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