i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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