The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
