I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
