I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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