I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need moral support for this bender
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
