just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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