I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
