it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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