Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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