dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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