I'm gonna have a badass scar
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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