She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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