Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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