i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
