This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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