Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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