how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
