that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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