Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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