I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
