I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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